Korra: Ruination
by SheWhoWalksWithThee
Summary: A look into Korra's mind and her relationships during her depression.
1. Chapter 1

**Ruination: Part One**

It's been three weeks …

It's been four months ...

It's been two years ...

I don't know how long it's been. Funny how you lose track of time when it starts to feel like an eternity.

It's been an eternity since my fight with Zaheer. Bruised, broken, helpless, I sit here, like I do every day. I sit here alone in this cold metal frame with wheels. There isn't much that interests me anymore. I'm given to staring out the window and loathing the world outside, despising how easily Nature commands the elements when I hardly have command over my own body anymore.

I'm often left to stew in my despair, but that's no one's fault but mine. I haven't felt ready to talk to anyone or even look at anyone yet. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes when I pass, I accidentally get a glimpse of a pathetic, useless shell of a person. Sometimes, she'll stare back at me, and I can see the dull pain in her eyes. Other times, I'll see nothing at all. It'll just be the empty stare of an empty woman who lost her spirit an eternity ago.

The only thing worse than festering in my dark moods is when my friends try to brighten them. Every day, every hour, it seems, they gather at my door. They seem to have some schedule. I suppose because he knew me the longest, Mako is first at my door. It's a little amusing the way he tries to talk to me and coax me out of my depression. He's a great speaker when it comes to factual things, but he stumbles when it comes to anything emotional. I suppose his stumbling does give me a brief reprieve from my depressive state.

Then comes Bolin with his usual line of half-terrible jokes. He always tries his best to make others laugh, and he usually succeeds, even if only because of his pitiful attempts and the sweet heart behind them. But these days, even Bolin can't do anything.

It's hardest to hear the voices of my friends as they pleadingly try to make me feel better. Whenever I hear them, I'm immediately transported to better times, when I was not a shell but a _somebody._ I remember what it was like to hang out with them, fight with them...

...and I remember what I was like, what I used to be, what I will never be again. I used to be a warrior, a hero. What am I now? I'm nobody's hero. What is my purpose now but to sit here and seethe for the rest of my days?

A knock comes before the voice. "Korra?"

I used to delight in hearing that voice, especially when it held my name. But now, there is no delight, no joy to be found. There's only anguish, longing, regret. I can't help but imagine myself being swallowed by quicksand as she cries my name from afar, searching for someone who's already gone.

Silence comes from the door as Asami runs through lines in her mind, trying to find one she hasn't used yet. She sighs, her hand sliding down the door as she admits defeat and begins simply with, "Please."

I close my eyes, hoping to be able to close out her voice and the heartache it brings.

"Korra, it's been _months_ ," she says. "I know healing takes time, but we're worried about you. If you would just say something, _anything_ , to let us know that you'll be okay..."

She doesn't know how badly I've wanted to be able to say something. She doesn't know how badly I've wanted to say that I'm okay, I'm healing. But nothing can be farther from the truth. I'm not anywhere near "okay". I don't know whether I could ever be "okay" again. I'm devoid of any trace of my former self. I can't get out of bed most mornings. I can't eat. I can't even bring myself to open my mouth and whisper the words, "I'm still here."

Asami speaks again, though I don't hear most of what she says. A cloud of static sits on my mind, and I stumble back into my despair and self-loathing. As her voice goes on, I imagine her beautiful face wrinkled with concern, those glistening peridot eyes brimming with tears of desperation and fear. I would give anything to be able to open the door and welcome her into my heart, but I can't. I'm not even welcome into my own heart anymore. I've become the scourge of my own existence—whatever existence I still have. My mind is scarcely present these days. My spirit has long since fled like a frightened pigeon. All that exists is that empty, wretched girl in the mirror.

"Korra?" asks Asami after a long silence. "Are you still there?"

I lock eyes with the hollow wretch in my reflection.

I'm not here, Asami.

 _I'm not here._


	2. Chapter 2

**Ruination: Part Two**

"Korra," her voice crawls over me. "Let's try something different."

I manage to turn and fix her with a dry stare. "Haven't we tried enough, Asami? Can't you just leave me alone and let me die?"

A cautious grin plays across her lips. She quickly straightens her face and says, "No, Korra. It's important that you work through this trauma, and I'm going to help you."

I heave a brusque breath. "What if I'm not _ready_ to work through it?"

"Well," she starts, suppressing a sigh. "It's been almost a year. I think you've had enough sulking, wouldn't you say?"

"No."

"Korra, just..." She kneels down to meet my eyes and take my hand. "Please, just try? For me?"

I rip my eyes away and stare at the floor. All sorts of emotions play through me, most of them anger and self-loathing. I long for the ability to simply cease, to fall off the face of the Earth and never look back. My days are miserable. I have nothing—no power, no strength, no will. There's nothing left to keep me here.

And yet...

When I glance up at Asami and gaze into her peridot eyes, there's a tiny flicker in the darkness of my mind, and it's as if there's something nudging me away from insanity. The emotion in her eyes is enough to anchor me for a moment.

I give a breath of surrender. "Fine, Asami, for you. What is it?"

"This." She brandishes a hand mirror.

I carefully avoid the reflection's eyes, groaning. "No, don't."

"Korra, look." Asami forces the mirror into my view. "Look. What do you see?"

"I see me. What the hell do you think I see?"

"Yes, you," she says, "but what _about_ you? What kind of _you_ do you see?"

I glare at the reflection. "I see the one who shouldn't exist."

Asami purses her lips. "Korra!"

"Well, it's true!" I glower at her and shove the mirror away. "You asked me what I saw and I told you. I saw the same person I see every day—a beaten-up, crumpled corpse of someone who only existed a long time ago." I sink back into the chair and drop my face into my hand.

"You know what I see?" her question floats over me. She hovers around me with the mirror. "I see someone who is strong. I see someone who is powerful, confident, intelligent. I see..." She trails off, searching for the next words until her eyes meet mine. "I see someone I care about...very much." Asami waves the mirror towards me, imploring me to take it and find something new in its reflection.

"Okay." I hold it out and study it. I fix my eyes on the reflection, resisting the urge to immediately sink into a negative mood. The best I can do is begin with general observations. "I see a woman with dark skin, dark brown hair, blue eyes." I swallow hard, trying not to automatically depress myself. "I see a woman who was a— _is_ a great fighter."

"Good," murmurs Asami. "What else?"

"I see..." I pause, staring into the mirror and trying to find something else. "I see..." Suddenly, my reflection blurs, and I feel a snap of vertigo as a flashback comes forward. "The airbenders. I see the chains, the wounds—I couldn't protect them." My breathing hardens and my heart begins to race. "Zaheer, his face—" I stiffen, trying to force myself to calm down and work through the visions. "Zaheer..." I blow out a deep breath as I mentally pack away his image. I erase him from my mind and look again in the glass. While the mirror remains blank, images rush to the fore of my vision. I try to resist them, try to send them back to oblivion. I close my eyes, hoping a hard blink would clear my mind.

"Zaheer!" I yelp as his face assails my vision. My eyes fly open in hopes of returning to my tranquil room. The face of Zaheer is gone, replaced by that of a beast with glowing eyes. She scowls at me as venom drips from her chains.

" _What is it, Korra?"_ murmurs a voice somewhere in my consciousness. I open my mouth to answer when the girl with the glowing eyes menacingly reaches out to me. She whips her arm about, and her chains lunge forward to wrap around my neck. They bind me tightly as a cool, thick liquid runs onto my skin. _No...no!_ The liquid burns into me, sets my bones on fire, and awakens an uncontrollable power seated deep within me. Against my will, ten thousand generations crash into my spirit. The girl with the glowing eyes tugs on the chains, which drop off me with a searing pain. There is a moment's pause as we study each other. Suddenly, as the heat of power becomes unbearable, she rushes me. The force wrenches an unholy bellow from my throat. My body seizes violently, lurching me out of the wheelchair. I collapse onto the floor in a battered heap, and my world blackens.

" _Korra."_

The sound of her heartbeat, but little else, seeps into my consciousness. I become aware of the arms tightly holding me and rocking me. The delicate scent of her perfume. The soft raven hair spilling over both of us. The nonsensical whispers in my ear. If I had any sense of sanity in this moment, I would surely speak and assure my presence. But all I can do is lay here, swept up in Asami's arms, until my mind finds its way home.

" _It's okay, Korra."_

" _I'm right here."_

" _Everything's all right."_


End file.
